Asking for Help

Four and half years ago when my daughter was born I felt as if I had something to prove. I constantly felt as though people were holding me incompetent due to my age and regardless of reality I had something to prove, if only to myself. Well that baby girl who had to be born via emergency C-Section was only a bit of trouble at the start. Sure, she refused to breastfeed. Sure, she would cry when I went to work in the evenings the entire time I was absent. Sure, she never slept through the night or had a regular schedule. It was nothing I couldn't handle.

There is no moment where it went wrong - things changed to gradually I barely noticed. Everything that would have been a warning sign for future behaviour I dismissed as her being a spirited toddler. The running away from dance class, the boundless energy, the tantrums and arguments. Once she started preschool I noticed she was a bit.. More... Than the other kids. More intense. More energetic. More difficult. The teacher said it was a phase, she'd grow out of it.

She'll be four in October and things are getting worse. I am at a loss at how to discipline - how to make her listen to me. I have a two and a half year old son who is more capable of listening, being clean, and sitting still. I have tried everything - from talking, to time outs, to spanking - and nothing has helped. The only thing that seem s to work is counting followed by time out. It's great, except when I say "Wait here!" and she cannot resist the impulse to run into the street. "Don't get hit by a car, that's 1..." Not going to help.

Although it doesn't feel like it sometimes, I'm not a total failure. I am raising a loving and well meaning kid. It just seems she can't do what's expected of her. I have some concerns that her difficulties may be neurological. If they're simply a result of poor parenting, it's clear that I need a great deal of help.

I have arranged to meet with a psychologist next week for both assessment and assistance. It is humbling to ask for help but uplifting to be so close to understanding why things have been so challenging. We are hoping for positive change.